We all know things were better in the glorious era of the Good Old Days. Yes, everything was cheaper, people were nicer and the world was filled with rainbows and kittens and bright yellow mittens. Sadly, however, we do not live in this magical fantasy land any longer. Before we, the degenerate Generation X were born, petrol was cheap and politicians were honest. Now times have changed, society has progressed, and the Good Old Days have been neatly bulldozed over by the Real World. This is the world we live in, and this is the world this blog will focus on; because this is the world that I, a newly emerged and as yet highly unsuccessful journalist, am trying to earn a living in.
As The Onion, that sterling beacon of procrastination, satire and sarcasm writes, the job market is not looking too hot at the moment. Or, to be more accurate, the job market is about as hot right now as an ice cube in a deep freezer stuck billions of miles away on the not-so-recently demoted rock known as Pluto (not like the dog).
I entered this fruitless desert armed with what I thought was a pair of quite formidable tools – two degrees in journalism. Two whole degrees. For those of you not so good with maths, that’s double the number of degrees of people who have just one degree. It’s also one more degree than people who have only one degree, and two more degrees than people who have no degrees. Hope you followed that. However, despite my impressive number of degrees, and clear abilities in other fields (please note the sum above), I have No Job. If a toddler asked me how many jobs I have, I can lift no fingers, but am old enough to require fingers and toes and someone else’s fingers too to show my age. I’m 23, and have spent 22 years happily ignorant of the Real World, though I had heard rumours it was Out There (along with nasty things like taxes and osteoporosis and paying for your own cell phone bill) and that soon I was to join it. Sigh. Well, here I am, and I just can’t seem to take a smoke break. That is why I am on Mission Succexy. Mission Succexy is a game plan to get The Dream. Succexy = successful plus sexy; gyming, handing out CVs like they’re candy, and trying to avoid the deliciously unhealthy. Why? Because I am on Mission Succexy. Like King Leonides roared in the movie 300 – SUCCEXY!!!
This blog is about that, and about the little annoying things in life – like the fact that I’ve had the theme song to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air stuck in my head for four days. Seriously. For four days. Every time my conscious mind quiets down a little bit and my thoughts slow down to a barely audible hum, the lyrics to that damn show start playing, softly at first, “Yo, this is the story, all about how/ My life got turned upside down”… So softly I’m barely aware that my iBrian (as my good friend calls her internal radio – to explain, she has also named her brain Brian – that’s not a typo) has started playing the stupid thing again. Then it starts to get louder, and I hear, “…playing some b-ball out by the pool/ Then a couple of guys that were up to no good/ Started making trouble in the neighbourhood/ I got in one little fight and my mom got scared/ She said, ‘You’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air’”.
For. Four. Days. That’s not so bad, Sam, you might say, and you’d be right. It’s annoying, but survivable. Except for the fact that I find myself accidentally rapping the lyrics out loud. It’s like my iBrian is caught in a loop – and there’s nothing I can do about it. There is no Skip button for your own brain, and apparently no mute button either.
Anyway, this is just an introduction to my weekly blog. Hope I’ve enthralled you and that you’ll be logging in every now and again. It seems that the new trend among social networking sites is to turn themselves into some kind of religion/cult thing, I mean, both Twitter and the semi-annoying Google Buzz encourage you to ‘Follow’ one another, like lemmings off a cliff, or sheep for no exciting reason whatsoever. In that vein, hope you guys will follow me with fervent passion and wait on my every word like honey from the gods. After all, we’re in the Real World now.