Not my day

Not my day

I made a huuuuge mistake.

charlie sheen winning
It was 10.30pm, and I realised in horrified silence that I’d just spent two hours making a TRIPLE BATCH of red velvet cupcakes that no human being could eat. Ever.

red velvet cupcakes
All completely inedible.

Baking POWDER, Sam, baking POWDER, not flipping bicarbonate of soda I said, aghast, to myself. If you ever thought these two baking substances were interchangeable because they looked the same – well, you were wrong.

Sure, they’re both white powder, but hey, so is cocaine and washing powder and neither of those things should go in cupcakes either.

Thirty-six inedible cupcakes.

The differences between the two are small but noticeable.

I even tried the cupcakes out on my flat mates. The first bite is fine – a bit odd, and they’re not very fluffy, but sweetish and fine. The second mouthful is where the bicarb klaps you with an aftertaste so bitter you screw your face up and think that a bite from a bar of soap might be more delectable.

I couldn’t believe it.

bicarb
Let's recap. Bicarb - BAD.

It just wasn’t fair – my day had already taken a remarkably crap turn when my car broke down a few hours ago in the rather grumpily nicknamed ‘dustbowl’ parking lot near my office.

Can you spot the difference?

I have a rather intense emotional relationship with my car. Little Babooshka, the ever-loyal Peugot 206. Oh, Babooshka! We’ve had good times, and we’ve had expensive times.

Babooshka is my first and only vehicle. I can drive up the Bo-Kaap’s gravity defying roads with her: never rolling an inch. I parallel park so perfectly my back-seat-gasper mother (she gasps constantly while I drive but doesn’t technically back-seat drive) was audibly impressed.

I’d driven to work because of these bloody cupcakes; I needed to get buttermilk and what not. So it was a rather unpleasant surprise to realise, when trying to leave the parking lot, that Babooshka had epilepsy, or something equally unpleasant. She juddered and shook and died when I tried to reverse.

When automatically reaching for my phone I saw, with a growing sense of dread, that it too had died. Like a bucket of cold water over my head the words ‘Now what?’ washed over me.

Luckily a near-by car guard saw my distress (and my awkwardly jerking car: as if Babooshka was possessed) and said I could make a call on his phone. His phone with a mere R11 airtime. I had close to R400 on my useless gadget. I owe a lot to this car guard: with this one call I was able to reach my mother who, all the way from Pretoria, saved me (not the first time she’s done this).

Sometimes, this is how I feel.

And now, several hours later, I’d just spent hours carefully mixing and baking cupcakes I could not, in good conscience, give to anyone. Well, feeling kak and victimized wasn’t going to get me anywhere. With a sigh, I started measuring out the flour again. And fished the blue food colouring out of the cupboard… I’d just finished the red.

As Gob (from Arrested Development) would say, COME ON!

But basically, with the car-tastrophe, cell-phone disaster and baking emergency, if I was to boil my day down to it’s essentials and pass this wisdom on to you, my reader, there is one clear, unavoidable lesson to be taken away:

UPDATE

As per special request in the comments section, I have included a picture of me with a blue velvet cupcake. However, this is one I baked with my friends last year and are BLUE. The ones I baked for my office were greenish because I ran out of food colouring.

Me with blue, blue velvet cupcake. The ones that everyone ate actually turned out greenish; more algae coloured.
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7 thoughts on “Not my day

  1. Hehe! Know how you feel – my car also broke down in the parking lot this week, and it’s turned out to be expensive times for us :(… How sweet was your car guard, though?!
    What I really do want to know now: how did the BLUE velvel cupcakes turn out? I was looking forward to a picture!

    1. It is horrible how expensive cars are. I do not like it even a little bit! Though the car guard did give me faith in humanity again 🙂

      OK, because you asked so nicely, I will post a pic!

  2. Fear not, I have also made the Bicarb/Baking powder mistake. However, this was in primary school so you totally FAIL! Hahahaha, oh the disappointment…

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