Ten lessons I’ve picked up recently.
1. Pink cars get a lot of stares, gapes, and guffaws.
2. Palettes will not fit into a Peugot 206. No matter how hard you try.
3. THE CLEANING NEVER STOPS. Plates, glasses and mugs multiply and have a secret life of their own in the sink and then in the dishwasher where you leave them all week as the sink gets increasingly full and you wonder where all the plates went. Clothes fall off the body and into a gleeful orgy on the floor until they’ve created little piles of baby underwear and bras and THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
4. When it comes to arriving at a wedding, planning is irrelevant. You can plan to arrive at 4pm, and realise upon arrival that the ceremony STARTS at 4pm (cue panicky dash into the chapel where you are the only couple without a hymn book) or you can leave far too late, drive at a furious speed and arrive at 4.15pm and realise upon arrival that the wedding only starts at 5. I guess it’s the intention that matters, right?
5. It is very possible to start reading Dear Prudence, decide to read one more and then access your hidden pools of inner productivity, and realise it’s 5pm.
6. It’s easy to get righteously angry with Prudence and then forget entirely about the column when you get home.
7. Platforms may be more comfortable than heels (for my feet anyhow) but a night of dancing in them at a wedding will make you want to chew your feet off rather than endure 2 more seconds in the darned things.
8. You can be very sad about the death of someone you never knew – and someone that creeped you out in many, many films. RIP Philip Seymour Hofman.
9. Someone can be very nice to you, but because of past behaviour, you still don’t trust them for shit. And that’s OK.
10. You can get furiously angry with someone, and still be consistently excited when that person comes home.