Post Holiday Pinks

Post Holiday Pinks

You know you had a good holiday when you take off your cardi and peeling skin puffs into the air like a snowy cloud, wafting gently to the ground. Yessir, I spent some time in the hot Namibian sun last week, diving into a hippo and croc infested pool.

Of course, when I saw ‘dive’ I mean ‘ease gently’ and when I say ‘hippo and croc infested pool’ I mean ‘an area of the Okovango carefully fenced off from anything dangerous’.

The world's only hippo and croc diving pool at Ngepi, on the Okovango in Namibia
The world’s only hippo and croc diving pool at Ngepi, on the Okovango in Namibia

I, naturally with my pasty limbs, have both a deep fear of the sun and also an unholy and wanton lust for it’s glorious rays. (I wanna be brown, bitches.) Unfortunately for me, a day swimming in the safely fenced off piece of the Okovango took me from the pale pink of an uncooked shrimp to a deep Le Creuset red, and not the caramel brown of a toffee Steri Stumpie I was hoping for.

You see, the thing behind turning a deep brown is my secret belief that like wearing black, a tan is slimming. And sitting around in my clever swimming costume (I swear that thing has an IQ of 120; it sure knows how to make me look good) with my pudgy, impervious-to-the-sun thighs, all I could imagine was a Future Me that was gloriously brown, with perfect hair and sunglasses that made me look famous.

In this scenario I am also tall, and brunette. Also I don’t know how to carry a hand bag.

But instead of turning into a delicious and sexy toffee I was yet again a tomato. And at work, a peeling tomato. In other words, I was in no position to commit a murder, shedding DNA in a white puff every time I turned around (it was kind of gross). I think also catching some rays made me look exhausted because people started to say to me, ‘You look like I feel!’ Somehow, people never say that when they’re feeling amazing.


One thing I can be glad about: I’m not as jolly looking as Lunch Box Lewis. Do wish I could make music like him though…


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